Unsustainable


My blogging energy is unsustainable this year. As I let the sun shine on my own life's experiences, my own privilege, my intolerance, my foiables and my own self-delusions - myths; I cannot offer up intelligible writing for others to read. And though there is a place and a time for disclosure, for sharing this kind of discovery process; it is not here and now for me.

See, the creepy part is that as I uncover something toxic within myself I see it all around. The light is shining inside and revealing so much and then it is harshly lit all around. That is the nature of self-discovery I have found. So, I get sidetracked being really cranky about others because of my hyper-awareness. Today I am reacting to all of the white entitlement excuded in other blog postings. And, you know what that means? That is no doubt me here up on Mt. Privilege where the view is obscurred by a lot of smog and fog.

But, I will make an occasional appearance or post links and videos. It isn't a painful time for me, merely uncomfortable. Akin to standing stark naked in the bright sunlight, getting comfortable in my own skin is the biggest adjustment. And, I have lived most of my life inside my mental perceptions and that is not the most sustainable way to live. My body is getting older, fatter and weaker because I haven't used it fully. Now I am challenging this and find I can't bring along others on this ride. For now it this is mine, all mine.

Esther Bacon nude via Petulant

5 comments:

Chile said...

Some journeys must be made in solitude. Reach out when you need to, though, Kate.

katecontinued said...

Will do Chile . . . I felt I got some insights today. Woo hoo.

Rosa said...

And, I'm trying to get more caught up on my email correspondence, so try to keep in touch!

risa said...

We're thinking kind thoughts for you.

katecontinued said...

Thanks, risa - no crisis, just another vantage point is all. Sorry I haven't been posting.