S125: Scattered . . .

Since Sunday I have been unable to formulate an essay of any worth. It is the oddest thing, given the fact I have been bursting with so many thoughts, ideas, arguments, goals, retrospections and opinions. I have bookmarked a half dozen websites, started a dozen or more placeholders for titles, links and basic concepts. I have doubled back to these embryo blog posts and added quotes, outlines and images.

Even so, yesterday was a grey, cool Monday and nothing gelled. My many ideas about square footage; like my note to get some measurements and calculations of grocery stores for real food: non-food ratios. Or square footage notes in my life, my gardens. Soap nuts, simple life, sewing for summer. . .

Screw it. Sometimes I just need to walk away.

I am in the middle of Air mode –of the four elements; fire, air, earth and water - for the rest of this month’s writing construct or style. It’s fitting because today I am scattered to the winds . . .

Air represents mental activity, thoughts, reason and intellect, memory, knowledge, persuasion, birth and friendship, freedom, clarification and expression. A low Air person seems without any direction and unable to define or visualize any future and can not reason out the alternatives and objectives. A high Air person is at ease in complex situations and can sit and think things through, and can carry through with decisions.

Different types of Air Magick include Visualizations. An important tool in any magick work, it makes the events happen. For this type, it is important that all the other factors such as color, time, the moon phase, winds, etc. are all in balance. And to have the other tools working such as incense and candle burning, or even the right tea or wine to drink in the background. This is because you need to "fix" or "ground" the images or ideas you are using in your visualization.

Obviously I am not a ‘high Air person’ - at least this week.

Spiritualeze, my name for the Wiccan verbiage above – like a biblical verse or prayer or other ceiling cat or flying spaghetti monster homily - can really help prime the pump, foment ideas or let them coalesce what is going on inside of me. I don’t *believe* in any of these things as a *higher power* any longer.

Oh yeah, and I made one of my infrequent calls to my mother on mother’s day. I love my 84 year old mother and I write her willingly – if not joyfully – every week. But when we speak I realize we are separated by far, far more than the thousands of miles between California and Omaha, Nebraska. The great sadness of realizing we share so very little in our beliefs or purpose or sense of what life is about really gets me down. This is, for me, what keeps me from calling more often or traveling back to the Mid-west. The disappointment is profound. We spoke, laughed, queried and commiserated before warmly signing off in loving ways.

But, since the call I simply unplugged something in myself to stop myself from dwelling on these differences. I am not drinking so I couldn’t numb myself with booze. My cupboards are pretty useless for ‘comfort food’ and I no longer have television or a working DVD player. I don’t want this to be anything more than, ‘oh well it is just the way it is in families.’ So, I am a bit scattered as I slip from task to task and thought to thought. This too shall pass.

Stop back another time and I will delight and amaze you with my focused insights.

Flickr image of scattered seeds

1 comment:

Chile said...

Writing, and blogging, ebbs and flows. I've found it's easier to just go with the rhythms than try to force it.

And regarding family ties, they are difficult creatures. With shared genetics and shared history, it seems their should be more shared views. That's a false expectation. Once I accepted that, I quit struggling to maintain closeness where it could not be had. This doesn't mean breaking with family, it just means letting go of expectations and accepting what is.

Belated Happy Mother's Day to you!